You want to know why we went on vacation without the kids? Because I wanted to! I wanted to escape. I wanted to reconnect with my husband. I wanted to sit in the sun and read one of the six books I desperately seek to complete one chapter of. I wanted to sleep….IN! Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, obsessively. But, to me, the above mentioned are the luxuries of a household CEO. My brain needed a break. And for those of you who think you don’t want to escape or think that you can’t. Simply put, You’re Wrong.
My husband and I went away for 3 days. That’s it.
Here’s Why traveling with JUST your partner (sans kiddos) is the best thing for your (everybody’s) health.
1) Hello? Is it me your looking for?
Travel opens up this light tunnel of communication. When you travel with someone, especially someone you love, you find so many things to talk about that sometimes/often get lost in the everyday shuffle. Over meals alone, sips (bottles) of wine, walks and uninterrupted morning pillow talk, that has this real-life married, pre-kids vernacular of ease, you get to know each other again. My husband works a lot…like a lot-a lot. The luxury of talk is just that…a luxury.
Mostly….because you have the time to finish a conversation and you have the attention to give one another without, “watch this Mum”, “He hit me!”, “Ahhhhhh”, “Can I have a snack?”, “THAT’S MINE!”, “Can you fix this?”….you get my drift…
You also discover a whole other variety of emotions and scenarios associated with travel such as stress, intimacy, friendship, laughter, opposition, and support. And you manage those together truly. That’s not always the case at home. And it doesn’t mean that you don’t have a good marriage or that everything isn’t fine or better, it just strengthens the belief that you are still one unit, not just running parts of the machine. But I will tell you one thing…I never feel more supported by my husband than when I’m making my way through an airport and in flight. I’m terrified of flying. I’m not a nice person. He keeps my neurosis at bay as best as he and my Ativan can.
2) MEMORY LANE
I can bet that when you are on vacation, you will get to several scenarios where you find yourself retelling or recalling past stories, experiences, or thoughts. You remember the culture you experience. The moments that slow down and then BOOM. You appreciate shit. You will enjoy that.
Taking in the Culture of New York City the last vacation the two of us took together ~ 2 years ago.
This vacation will be your next set of memories. My husband without being prompted admitted his favorite. It was when we raced down the challenger waterslides and I was convinced that I beat him to the bottom (because I totally cheated, but he doesn’t know that, and I’ll take it to the {blog} grave). But when we asked the lifeguard who won…without a smile or any hint of emotion, points directly to my husband and dismisses us to the direction of the ladder. We were kids at play. We were playful and even the crummy weather didn’t stop us from doing anything. We both take with us memories of our trip, some will be different and some will be the same. But there is nothing like an inside joke between two best friends.
3) ADULTS ONLY
There are things…many things, in fac,t that you just can’t do with kids around. The first roadblock is intimacy. Let’s be honest on this one. It’s poor manners to always be rushing the good stuff because you fear the kids will charging in at any minute. They’ve got spidey-sense on that business. No kids, no rush. I don’t even need to go on with this point. You feel me.
Secondly, dessert. After dinner drinks. After-after dinner drinks. Dancing. Black Jack Tables, Roulette Wheels, Comedy Clubs, Shows…let’s face it. You can’t really do any of those if the kids are around. You’re bound to a hotel room for bedtime routine. Perhaps you sit in the dark as they slumber or perhaps you are one of the lucky ones who can watch TV while your kids snooze, only periodically kung fu-ing your spleen. Also, you are probably sleeping with one, if not all of your children in your bed so again…bye bye intimacy.
4)It’s EASY!
Literally, everything is easier. The packing is lighter {I used ONE carry on!}, the airport…oh just the airport, it’s just SO.MUCH.BETTER. The flight…will they or will they not be that kid on the plane. When you vacation without the kids, it’s cheaper, it’s relaxing, it’s unplanned, it’s spontaneous, it’s curfew-free, it’s less butt wiping, it’s less whiny, it’s sleeping in, it’s educational, it’s cultural! It’s YOUR choices, your preferences, its something you will never regret. I promise.
5) “DO IT FOR THE KIDS”
There are several reasons why some people have a hard time doing a vacation without the kids…
FEAR AND GUILT!
To begin, we are afraid to leave our kids. We panic. Some more than others. We feel like they will hate us, that they can’t survive without us, that no one can take care of them they way WE can, the way WE want, the way WE do {which is totally true, Ha Ha, but no seriously}. But the fact of the matter is they are just fine and more without us for a short duration of time. Maybe they don’t even notice we are gone. Afterall, when Mom and Dad are away, the grandparents will play! Your kids are living the life! This is new and exciting for them too! They get to spend time with (I can only guess) someone you trust and love.
Not only is it good for your kids to feel trust and experience independence from you…its the same reversed. It’s healthy for you as parents to detach yourself momentarily and learn to trust others with your most prized possessions and to experiment with your former independent self. Remember the whole notion of #momYOURSELF.
They will be better off because of it. And so will you.
Planning for the Future
At least 100 times my husband and I said to one another at different moments, “I wish the kids were here”, knowing they would love what we were doing. We made plans on several occasions to bring them back the following year. Consider it research.
Appreciation
By the end of the trip, we were majorly jonesing for our kiddos. It was obvious that missed them like crazy. We appreciated their quirks, their goofiness, their essence. My husband and I have the best kids. Our time away reaffirmed that. And that’s the mentality you need as a parent sometimes. It’s so easy to get into a routine of frustration and fatigue while parenting. A childless vacation was exactly what parents need to get out of that little {often unbeknownst) funk. Put it this way…I rode in the backseat smooched in between their car and booster seats so I could be as close to them as possible.
So if you’ve been thinking about it, or wishing you could do it, ride that wave. It doesn’t have to be tropical or overly adventurous or be crammed with activities, it just needs to be an escape for you and baby daddy or mama. Any only you know what you need.
What’s Next?
Clearly, I’m already thinking about the next getaway, leave a comment below of where you and your love have traveled WITHOUT the kids!
You can do it.
Travel.
Eat.
Laugh.
Sleep.
Share.
Love.
Learn
and Breathe again.
